The Bobcat Nation

************* Rant Alert ***************

University of Oklahoma baseball coach Larry Cochell resigned Sunday, two days after
reports surfaced of alleged racial remarks he made during two off-camera interviews to
ESPN. See link below:

http://abcnews.go.com/Sports/ESPNSports/story?id=720883

This has caused me to do a lot of thinking this week-end. Being a father who has a
multi-cultural family, I must admit I think about these issues a lot. Just two weeks ago I
had to sit down with my son and talk to him about "how he wished he had blond hair and
white skin." My children are some what color blind when it comes to race in our . In our immediate family have a mini united nations of cultures going with the children. Some
times, though, I think our children can bring clarity to situations that adults can not reach, in our political correct world. My children are now
reaching the age when they are feeling the cultural strugles of being a minority in a
white world and it is cuasing me to rethink a lot of what I accepted before. A few months back my son heard the N-word on "musical song", and
asked his Mom what that was.

His Mom /my wife said that is a word that "we" don't say. "It is a very hurtful word that,
bring back a lot hateful memories, and was actually used in some cases to justify murder"
she continued.
My sons response was " then why do the people on the radio (song) use it?"
My wife responded "because they are not white, they are afro- American, and it is OK
for them to use the word."
My son " how do you know they are black (my son is not so PC) they are on the radio."
My wife, " I have seen them and they are black" (BTW a flat out lie).
My son "what about DJ (a friend of his who Mom is white and Dad is Afro-American)
can he use it?"
Finally Mslacat looks at his lovely wife raises an eyebrow only to see his wife trying to
formulate a response, and wades into the discussion with a barrel full of tact. "Look, this
is a work I do not like, it is not appropriate to be used in our family, I do not know what
DJ's mom and Dad thinks about it but I would guess they would not like DJ to use it.”

Not feeling completely happy with how we handled the situation, though we did get the
idea that it is not an appropriate word. Since that time the subject has come up many
time with my 8 year old trying to deal with the hypocrisy of his of the whole situation.
My wife has endeavored to give my son a history of slavery and the history of the word,
but he still can not understand why they can say it on the radio. My two favorite lines
have been:
" Well I am not white why can I say the word"
and " What word can I use (as an Asian) that no oneelse (race) can use"?

I do not like the N-word! Never have. I do not care who says it, I do not like it at all.
I do find myself reacting differently when a black person uses it then another race.
When a black person says the N-word it is like hearing the F-word. I do not like the
word, but sometimes I will find it acceptable with in certain confines , but not in front of
my children. When a non-black person uses it, though, I personally find it an affront to
every thing I find decent, it really cut to my sole to hear it, and I rarely want to hear, and
you better have a damn good reason to use it! So I guess their is a difference for me on a
gut level, but not on an intellectual level.

I do not believe the old idea that if one person (race) can use a phrase that, another can to.
It in itself is rather short sighted. When a phrase, though, carries so much hate associated
with it, granted more to some than others, we need to it measure carefully. The group it
offends has to take responcility also for the phrase. As a father I want my son and
daughter to know the N-word, I do not want to hide them from what that word is or for
that matter the term Gook. These term affect them and those they care about. The
world is very slowly becoming more and more color blind, as I am finding out things are
not as black and white as I thought.

At it lowest common denominator the N-word in my way of thinking is just as bad or
worse than the F-word. It ticks me off to no end, hear a white coach talk about one of his
players, but I also do not want to hear Chris Rock or the “rap group of the week” saying
the word. I want my kids to know these words but I do not want them to be desensitized
to them. When my kids hear these words I want them to still hurt little, and never forget
why we do not say them.

Well said, mslacat. Couldn't possibly agree any more. As a white man, I despise the use of the N-word by anyone, I don't care what color they are. It is never right or appropriate. If the super-generalized black community wants to make progress in disspelling hatred and racism in this country, they should start by not referring to each other with a word that conjures up so much negativity and hate. And don't even get me started about what happens when I hear a white person say that word...

I had lunch with my lovely wife and brought up the topic. My politically correct wife
could not disagree with me more! Her take was it is up to the Afro-American community
to decide whether it is appropriate for Afro-Americans to use this term. I of course
argued that I once agreed, but I do not want the term so generalized / desensitized by
ANYONE that it does not bother me my children or grand children. Eventually the
people at Pizza Hut asked us if we would keep our voices down, or leave .

I don't know. I am a white guy talking about the N-word. I do not feel comfortable at all
with any stand I take. But with an Asian, son and daughter I don't feel comfortable not
addressing the issue of racism. With-in topics like this how do I know when I (as an
individual) am helping or hurting racism. Man they did not go over these things before I
was thinking about becoming a father.

This topic is one of the themes in Spike Lee's "Bamboozled," which I think is an underrated film. It doesn't pretend to give us the right answer to this question, but it does frame the question in some interesting ways.

I am willing to let blacks (African-American is a bit of a mouthful, and isn't even necessarily accurate since many people of African ancestory aren't American yet live in America) use the terms however they want. If they view it as a piece of social commentary to turn that racist term on its head (Richard Pryor, etc.), then I guess I can't question it. It is sad that it is used so flippantly by so many people (rappers, kids, etc.) now, though. Or, perhaps, that is a good thing. Maybe its repeated use is sucking all of the meaning out of the word, and it will soon before a meaningless term to everyone, including those who would use it out of hate. That's a severe Pollyanna viewpoint, however. In a perfect world, I would rather the word, and its ugly history, were never heard from again.

Apparently, the black (is it ok to use that term these days?) players and their parents have lined up in SUPPORT of the OU coach. It appears this particular coach DOES NOT live his life and treat his players as if the dreaded N-word has any real meaning. When most of us hear that word, it immediately conjures up all the negatives of slavery, segregation, etc... If the OU coach was that big a racist, I really don't see the players and their families supporting him (or even accepting a scholarship from him in the first place).

This episode demonstrates to me just how powerful political correctness has become in the U. S. today. ONE WORD, no matter how distasteful, should not put a person's entire career in jeopardy. If the coach lived his life and treated blacks the way we envision based on that word? Yes, obviously he should not hold the position he had; however, it sounds as if this man would NEVER be accused of being a racist based on his performance as OU's coach or in his personal life.

I wish there was a single word that minorities could use to negatively describe caucasians the way this particular word affects blacks. I tend to remember the old "sticks & stones may break my bones, but names (words) will never hurt me...". Or "your actions speak so loudly I can't hear what you're saying". Call me any name you want; it's how you TREAT me that I'll use to measure how you truly view me...

When I was in school, I lived with/around a number of black guys; they used that word constantly. It eventually got to the point where those of us who knew them well & hung out with them would also use it; it almost became a "term of endearment" or a sign of friendship. It didn't seem to bother any of us; I believe it's because they KNEW how we viewed them & treated them, how we accepted them simply as we would any other friend & how we interacted with them. From my viewpoint, we all KNEW that the word meant nothing negative. Maybe I'm being naive but I wish we could ALL get to that point; or as you say, BAC, maybe the word will eventually become meaningless simply from overuse.

I recall Denzel Washington in the film "Training Day" calling Ethan Hawke "my ," and he says it in a way that doesn't connotate a bunch of racist or social negatives but it DOES highlight the fact that as a white cop & a black cop, they were different. Is that bad? I don't believe it is; I think it's ok to remind ourselves of the past and the mistakes that were made & accepted before in hopes that we don't forget & therefore repeat them.