Bobcat/Griz Jokes

bobcatfan15 · Post by **bobcatfan15** » Sun Nov 11, 2012 9:44 am

Alright, it's that time of the season that we all love! Cat/Griz! I am looking to see what kind of jokes are out there about both programs. This thread is meant to be entertaining, not malicious or smack! So please try to keep it this way

.

Here is a good joke I found!

Did you hear about the fire in University of Montana's football dorm that destroyed 20 books? The real tragedy was that 15 hadn't been colored yet.

$\:D/$ $\:D/$ $\:D/$ $\:D/$ $\:D/$ $\:D/$

3rdGenerationcat · Post by **3rdGenerationcat** » Sun Nov 11, 2012 3:51 pm

Three football fans were on their way to a game when one noticed a foot sticking out of the bushes. They stopped and discovered a nude female dead drunk. Out of respect and propriety, the Cats fan took off his cap and placed it over her right breast. The Eastern Washington fan took off his cap and placed it over her left breast. Following their lead, the Griz fan took off his cap and placed it over her crotch. The police were called and when the officer arrived, he conducted his inspection. First, he lifted up the Cats cap, replaced it. Next, he lifted the Eastern cap, and replaced it. The officer then lifted the Griz cap, replaced it, then lifted it again, replaced it, lifted it a third time, and replaced it one last time. The Griz fan was getting upset and finally asked, “What are you, a pervert? Why do you keep lifting and looking, lifting and looking?” “Well,” said the officer. “I am simply surprised. Normally when I look under a Griz hat, I find an asshole.”

ChiOCat · Post by **ChiOCat** » Sun Nov 11, 2012 5:52 pm

bobcatfan15 wrote:Alright, it's that time of the season that we all love! Cat/Griz! I am looking to see what kind of jokes are out there about both programs. This thread is meant to be entertaining, not malicious or smack! So please try to keep it this way .

Here is a good joke I found!

Did you hear about the fire in University of Montana's football dorm that destroyed 20 books? The real tragedy was that 15 hadn't been colored yet.

$\:D/$ $\:D/$ $\:D/$ $\:D/$ $\:D/$ $\:D/$

I like that one! Posted to FB

CapitalCityCat · Post by **CapitalCityCat** » Mon Nov 12, 2012 6:38 pm

A Griz player walks into an attorney's office....

You've already heard this one?

ABQCat · Post by **ABQCat** » Mon Nov 12, 2012 9:24 pm

bobcatfan15 wrote: This thread is meant to be entertaining, not malicious or smack! So please try to keep it this way

Yeah right. You're kidding right??? Anyway, here's one:

Two um students were standing under the bridge on each side of the Clark Fork River looking at each other. One yells across to the other "Hey how did you get to the other side?". The other one yells back "you're already on the other side!".

bobcatfan15 · Post by **bobcatfan15** » Mon Nov 12, 2012 10:20 pm

ABQCat wrote:
bobcatfan15 wrote: This thread is meant to be entertaining, not malicious or smack! So please try to keep it this way
Yeah right. You're kidding right??? Anyway, here's one:

Two um students were standing under the bridge on each side of the Clark Fork River looking at each other. One yells across to the other "Hey how did you get to the other side?". The other one yells back "you're already on the other side!".

This is a great one!

Air Force Cat · Post by **Air Force Cat** » Mon Nov 12, 2012 10:25 pm

Q: What's the difference between a Montana fan and a carp?
A: One is a bottom-feeding, scum sucker, and the other is a fish.

Q: What did the UM female say after sex?
A: Nothing, she was still asleep

Q: What do you call a good looking girl on the University of Montana campus?
A: Next

Q: If you have a car containing a Grizzlies QB, a Grizzlies lineman, and a Grizzlies defensive back, who is driving the car?
A: The cop

Bobcat Sig · Post by **Bobcat Sig** » Tue Nov 13, 2012 1:15 pm

These are fantastic!

For the visually inclined ...

WalkOn79 · Post by **WalkOn79** » Tue Nov 13, 2012 3:37 pm

I heard Griz Football tried to start a new website...

But they couldn't string three W's together!

AlphaGriz1 · Post by **AlphaGriz1** » Tue Nov 13, 2012 5:37 pm

We will have 3 Saturday evening...................what domain name do you guys want registered?

uownus.com
nextyear.com
ifcattearscuredcancer.org?
htfdoesthishappeneveryyear.biz

Let me know, they are on sale at GoDaddy so even you cat fan guys who delivering pizza for a living could afford a couple.

Cat Grad · Post by **Cat Grad** » Wed Nov 14, 2012 10:16 am

I love good, clean hate even though there are those who would say hate is too strong a word to use in all these rivalry games.

It was reported that dUMb head football coach Mick Delany will only be dressing twenty players for the Cat game. The rest of the players will have to get dressed by themselves.

Q: What do you call a good looking girl on the dUMb campus?
A: A visitor.

A gris fan walks into a doctor's office and removes his hat to reveal a frog sitting on his head. The doctor asks, "How can I help you?" The frog replies, "I was wondering if you could help me get this wart off my butt."

Q: What do you get when you breed a groundhog and the gris.
A: Six more weeks of bad football.

Q: Did you hear the story about the semi-truck carrying pigs that flipped over on the dUMb campus?
A: The officials had to check ID's before letting any of the gris cheerleaders back on board.

A guy in a bar leans over to the guy next to him and says, "Wanna hear a good dUMb joke?"
The guy next to him replies, "Well before you tell that joke, you should know something. I'm 6' tall, 200 lbs., and I am a dUMb grad. The guy sitting next to me is 6' 2" tall, weighs 225, and he's a dUMb grad. And the fella next to him is 6' 5" tall, weighs 250, and he's a dUMb grad. Now, you still wanna tell that joke?"
The first guy says, "No, not if I'm gonna have to explain it three times."

Q: Do you know why the dUMb football team should change its name to the "Opossums"?
A: Because they play dead at home and get killed on the road.

Q: Why don't dUMb fans let their kids play in sand boxes?
A: Because Cats keep covering them up.

Q: What's the only sign of intelligent life in missoula?
A: Montana State University: 202 Miles

Q: What do you get when you cross a dUMb fan and a pig?
A: Nothing. There's some things that a pig will not do.

Did you hear about the dUMb fan who was so upset that the Cats beat the gris that he tried to commit suicide by jumping out of his basement window?

One day in an elementary school in Missoula, a teacher asks her class if the gris are their favorite football team. The whole class says yes, except for Little Jimmy.
The teacher asks, "What's your favorite football team Jimmy?"
Little Jimmy says, “Thee Montana State Bobcats.”
The teacher asks, "Well, why is that?"
Little Jimmy says, "Well, my dad is a Cat fan, my mom is a Cat fan, I guess that makes me a Cat fan."
The teacher angered by his reply says, "If your dad was a moron and your mom was an idiot what would that make you?"
Little Jimmy says, "Well, I guess that would make me a gris fan."

armingtonbobcat · Post by **armingtonbobcat** » Wed Nov 14, 2012 1:56 pm

What does 2 quarters in a toilet and dUMb cheerleaders have in common?
Everybody sees them but no one wants to pick them up.

Cat Grad · Post by **Cat Grad** » Wed Nov 14, 2012 2:31 pm

This guy walks into Red’s, sits down and orders a Grilled Veggie Hoagie. The Waiter looks at the man and says "You're not from round here are ya?" "No" replied the man, "I'm from Pensylvania." The Waiter looks at him and says "Well what do you do in Pensylvania?" "I'm a taxidermist." said the man. The waiter, looking very bewildered, now asked "What in the world is a tax-e-derm-ist?" The man looked at the bar tender and said "Well, I mount dead animals." The bartender stands back and hollers to the whole bar which is staring at him "It's okay, boys! He's one of us!"

For some reason, dUMb’s biology department acquired a very rare species of gorilla. Within a few weeks, the female gorilla became very "in the mood", and difficult to handle. Upon examination, the park veterinarian determined the problem. The gorilla was in heat. To make matters worse, there were no male gorillas of the species available. While reflecting on their problem, the administrators noticed Ed, a part-time student intern, responsible for cleaning the animals' cages. Ed, like most Barners, had little sense, but possessed ample ability to satisfy a female of ANY species. So, the administrators thought they might have a solution. Ed was approached with a proposition. Would he be willing to have sex with the gorilla for $500? Ed showed some interest, but said he would have to think the matter over carefully. The following day, Ed announced that he would accept their offer, but only under three conditions. "First," he said, "I don't want to have to kiss her. Secondly, you must never tell anyone about this." The administration quickly agreed to these conditions, so they asked what was his third condition. "Well," said Ed, "You gotta give me another week to come up with the $500."

There was this dUMb grad student who was yelling at his class because they were so incredibly lazy, "I wouldn't be surprised if 50% of you flunk this math class," he said. One of the students, a football player, put up his hand. "But professor, there aren't that many in this class," he said.

RULE CHANGES FROM LAST YEAR:

1. When playing the polio patients, the gris must not disconnect leg braces.

2. When playing the girl scouts, the gris must not eat their cookies.

3. When playing the blind academy, the gris must not hide the football under their jerseys.

4. When playing the Korean War Amputees, the gris must not file any protests about players with one leg being hard to tackle.

RULES SAME AS LAST YEAR:

1. A touchdown, (this is when the ball is carried over the goal line for you gris fans), is still worth 21 points for the gris.

2. The gris will play with 27 men on the field.

3. The gris will be allowed to use band members for substitutes.

4. The gris will be allowed 20 time-outs.

5. A first down for the gris is 3 yards.

A man takes his wife, (who used to be a gris cheerleader) hunting, and impresses on her again and again that "If you shoot a deer, don't let someone else claim that they shot it also and that since they killed it... it's their deer!"
So ... he's in his stand hardly for 10 minutes when he hears his wife shooting nearby. He rushes over to her stand to find her pointing her gun at a man who is loudly disclaiming... "It's your deer lady..It's your deer... Just lemme get my saddle off it!!!!"

An gris joined the Army. As part of his basic training, he went out on the rifle range. He fired 99 shots at the target, and missed the target with every shot! His Drill Instructor tried to find out why.
"What's the matter with you?" asked the DI. "Why can't you hit the target? What were you in civilian life?"

"I was a telephone man," replied the new recruit, "and I don't know why I can't hit the target. Let me see..."

The telephone man checked his rifle, checked his rifle again, and checked his rifle a third time. He then put his finger in front of the muzzle, pulled the trigger, and blew the end of his finger off!

"Well," the phone man said, writhing in pain, "the bullets are leaving here fine. The trouble must be on the other end!"

Q. What is the difference between a gris fan and a puppy?
A. Puppys eventually stop whining.

A dUMb missoula lawyer was representing the BNSF in a lawsuit filed by an old farmer living outside Billings. The farmer's prize bull was missing from the section through which the railroad passed. The farmer only wanted to be paid the fair value of the bull. The case was scheduled to be tried before the justice of the peace. The attorney for the railroad immediately cornered the farmer and tried to get him to settle out of court. The lawyer did his best selling job, and finally the farmer agreed to take half of what he was asking. After the farmer had signed the release and took the check, the dUMb lawyer couldn't resist gloating a little over his success, telling the farmer, "You know, I hate to tell you this, old man, but I put one over on you in there. I couldn't have won the case. The engineer was asleep and the fireman was in the caboose when the train went through your ranch that morning. I didn't have one witness to put on the stand. I bluffed you!" The old farmer replied, "Well, I'll tell you, young feller, I was a little worried about winning that case myself, because that durned bull came home this morning."

It was the first day of Grade Three in a new town for Johnny. As a test, his teacher went around the room and asked each of the students to count to 50. Some did very well, counting as high as 30 or 40 with just a few mistakes. Others couldn't get past 20. Johnny, however, did extremely well; he counted past 50, right up to 100 without any mistakes.
He was so excited that he ran home and told his Dad how well he had done. His Dad nodded and told him, "That's because you are from dUMb, son."

The next day, in language class, the teacher asked the students to recite the alphabet. It's Grade Three, so most could make it half way through without much trouble. Some made it to S or T, but Johnny rattled off the alphabet perfectly right to the end. That evening, Johnny once again bragged to his Dad about his prowess in his new school. His Dad, knowingly, explained to him, "That's because you are from dUMb, son."

The next day, after Physical Education, the boys were taking showers. Johnny noted that, compared to the other boys in his grade, he seemed overly "well endowed". This confused him. That night he told his Dad. "Dad, they all have little tiny ones, but mine is ten times bigger than theirs. Is that because I'm from dUMb?" he asked.

"No, son," explained his Dad, "That's because you're 18."

Upset about losing his Job at dUMb, Phlugrad was rushed to the Emergency room after attempting suicide by drinking a bottle of Boone's Farm Strawberry Hill Wine and swallowing a hand full of Nitroglycerin pills. When asked about the bruises on his head and check, he said they were from running into the wall in an attempt to make the Nitro explode.

A dUMb Football Player and his date are walking along in a park. His date says suddenly, "Awww, look at the dead birdie". The dUMb Player stops, looks up, and says, "Where?"

The dUMb cheerleader reported for her final examination which consists of "yes/no" type questions. She takes her seat in the examination hall, stares at the question paper for five minutes, and then in a fit of inspiration takes her purse out, removes a coin and starts tossing the coin and marking the answer sheet - Yes for Heads and No for Tails. Within half an hour she is all done whereas the rest of the class is sweating it out. During the last few minutes, she is seen desperately throwing the coin, swearing and sweating. The moderator, alarmed, approaches her and asks what is going on. "I finished the exam in half and hour. But I'm rechecking my answers."

A dUMb cheerleader came home and complained of the high gas prices.
And furthermore, she was really tired of having to by 'that old gas'.
"I always have the buy the gas from '87, it's all I can afford.
It would really be nice to be able to buy some of the newer gas,
like the '89 or even the '91. As a matter of fact, I was wondering:
Why haven't they made any gas since 1991?"

Air Force Cat · Post by **Air Force Cat** » Thu Nov 15, 2012 11:32 pm

A Cat fan, a Griz fan, a nun, and a stunning blond are riding on a train. Suddenly the train heads into a tunnel. A loud smack is heard and as the train rides out of the tunnel the Griz fan is rubbing his face. The nun thinks: "Serves him right for trying to grab the blond." The blond thinks: "Serves him right for trying to grab the nun." The Griz fan thinks: "The Cat fan was probably trying to grab the blonde, missed her and grabbed the nun instead. Then she tried to smack him in the face and missed." The Cat fan thinks: "Next tunnel I'm going to smack that stupid Griz fan again."

robertcat · Post by **robertcat** » Mon Nov 19, 2012 1:57 pm

Did you guys hear that CAT/Griz will be played in Missoula for the next 10-15 years? Apparently the Griz players can't get permits from their parole officers.