North Carolina birth control.

Cat Grad · Post by **Cat Grad** » Mon Nov 27, 2006 8:10 pm

A man and and a woman from North Carolina don't want any more children because they already have 11. So the husband goes to a doctor in Ohio. The doctor asks, "What state are you from?
The man says "North Carolina." The doctor tells him to go home, put a lit cherry bomb in an empty soda can, hold it in his hand, and count to 10. The husband isn't so sure of this, so he goes to another doctor, this time in California.

When that doctor finds out that the husband is from North Carolina, he tells him the exact same thing that the doctor in Ohio told him. The husband figures that the doctors must be right.

So he goes home, puts a lit cherry bomb in a soda can, and starts to count. ''1...2...3...4...5...'' The husband takes the soda can and puts it between his legs to continue counting on his fingers on his right hand. ''6...7...8...9...''

Cat Grad · Post by **Cat Grad** » Mon Nov 27, 2006 8:13 pm

You know you're from North Carolina if you've ever been involved in a custody fight over a dog!

Cat Grad · Post by **Cat Grad** » Mon Nov 27, 2006 8:17 pm

Dang, maybe we should be in the same conference

40 Things Never Said By Southerners

40. Oh I just couldn't. Hell, she's only sixteen.
39. I'll take Shakespeare for 1000, Alex.
38. Duct tape won't fix that.
37. Lisa Marie was lucky to catch Michael.
36. Come to think of it, I'll have a Heineken.
35. We don't keep firearms in this house.
34. Has anybody seen the sideburns trimmer?
33. You can't feed that to the dog.
32. I thought Graceland was tacky.
31. No kids in the back of the pickup, it's just not safe.
30. Wrasslin's fake.
29. Honey, did you mail that donation to Greenpeace?
28. We're vegetarians.
27. Do you think my gut is too big?
26. I'll have grapefruit and grapes instead of biscuits and gravy.
25. Honey, we don't need another dog.
24. Who's Richard Petty?
23. Give me the small bag of pork rinds.
22. Too many deer heads detract from the decor.
21. Spittin is such a nasty habit.
20. I just couldn't find a thing at Walmart today.
19. Trim the fat off that steak.
18. Cappuccino tastes better than espresso.
17. The tires on that truck are too big.
16. I'll have the arugula and radicchio salad.
15. I've got it all on the C drive.
14. Unsweetened tea tastes better.
13. Would you like your salmon poached or broiled?
12. My fiance, Bobbie Jo, is registered at Tiffany's.
11. I've got two cases of Zima for the Super Bowl.
10. Little Debbie snack cakes have too many fat grams.
09. Checkmate.
08. She's too young to be wearing a bikini.
07. Does the salad bar have bean sprouts?
06. Hey, here's an episode of "Hee Haw" that we haven't seen.
05. I don't have a favorite college team.
04. Be sure to bring my salad dressing on the side.
03. I believe you cooked those green beans too long.
02. Those shorts ought to be a little longer, Darla.
01. Nope, no more for me. I'm drivin tonight.

Htowngriz · Post by **Htowngriz** » Mon Nov 27, 2006 9:26 pm

Cat Grad · Post by **Cat Grad** » Mon Nov 27, 2006 11:01 pm

A doctor whose roots are in his college, Duke, an architect from North Carolina State, and an attorney who played football for Ape State were dining at the country club in Ashville one day, and the conversation turned to the subject of their respective dogs, which were apparently quite extraordinary. A wager was placed on who had the most intelligent dog.
The physician offered to show his dog first, and called to the parking lot, "Hippocrates, come!" Hippocrates ran in, and was told by the doctor to do his stuff. Hippocrates ran to the golf course and dug for a while, producing a number of bones. He dragged the bones into the country club, and assembled them into a complete, fully articulated human skeleton. The physician patted Hippocrates on the head, and gave him a cookie for his efforts.
The architect was only marginally impressed, and called for his dog, "Sliderule, come!" Sliderule ran in, and was told to do his stuff. The dog immediately chewed the skeleton to rubble, but reassembled the fragments into a scale model of the Taj Mahal. The architect patted his dog and gave him a cookie.
The attorney watched the other two dogs, and called "Bullsh*t, come!" Bullsh*t entered and was told to do his stuff. Bullsh*t immediately screwed the other two dogs, stole their cookies, auctioned the Taj Mahal replica to the other club members for his fee, and went outside to play golf.

T-Dog · Post by **T-Dog** » Mon Nov 27, 2006 11:05 pm

Replace Richard Petty with Dale Earnhardt and you hit the nail on the head.

Most of those are true actually. Who the heck drinks unsweet tea?

Montana: Land Of The Big Sky, The Unabomber, Right-Wing Crazies, And Very Little Else

http://www.jibjab.com/jokebox/jokebox/j ... keid/67707

Cat Grad · Post by **Cat Grad** » Mon Nov 27, 2006 11:13 pm

T-Dog wrote:Replace Richard Petty with Dale Earnhardt and you hit the nail on the head.

Most of those are true actually. Who the heck drinks unsweet tea?

Montana: Land Of The Big Sky, The Unabomber, Right-Wing Crazies, And Very Little Else

http://www.jibjab.com/jokebox/jokebox/j ... keid/67707

That's pretty good! No, you won't find us if we come out here because we have a long, proud history of movie actors and actresses--you know--a bunch of phonies trying to be somebody! We even ran Andie Mc-what's her-face out and back to North Carolina and elected the head of the Freemen's cousin governor

T-Dog · Post by **T-Dog** » Mon Nov 27, 2006 11:14 pm

A MSU grad and a App grad join the army and go off to fight in a war. They are both captured and later, they try to escape but fail, so they are sentance to the firing squad. The App grad is first and they ask him if he has any last words. He looks up and sees a bombing raid and screams out "PLANE!" and everyone takes cover and he escapes. The MSU grad is next and he thinks to himself to think of something clever to get himself out of there. They ask him for his final words. He looks over and sees the building that was bombed up in flames and screams out "FIRE!"

T-Dog · Post by **T-Dog** » Mon Nov 27, 2006 11:18 pm

Cat Grad wrote:A man and and a woman from North Carolina don't want any more children because they already have 11. So the husband goes to a doctor in Ohio. The doctor asks, "What state are you from?
The man says "North Carolina." The doctor tells him to go home, put a lit cherry bomb in an empty soda can, hold it in his hand, and count to 10. The husband isn't so sure of this, so he goes to another doctor, this time in California.

When that doctor finds out that the husband is from North Carolina, he tells him the exact same thing that the doctor in Ohio told him. The husband figures that the doctors must be right.

So he goes home, puts a lit cherry bomb in a soda can, and starts to count. ''1...2...3...4...5...'' The husband takes the soda can and puts it between his legs to continue counting on his fingers on his right hand. ''6...7...8...9...''

At least our Senators have 10 fingers....

..that was a bit low.

Htowngriz · Post by **Htowngriz** » Mon Nov 27, 2006 11:34 pm

T-Dog wrote:
Cat Grad wrote:A man and and a woman from North Carolina don't want any more children because they already have 11. So the husband goes to a doctor in Ohio. The doctor asks, "What state are you from?
The man says "North Carolina." The doctor tells him to go home, put a lit cherry bomb in an empty soda can, hold it in his hand, and count to 10. The husband isn't so sure of this, so he goes to another doctor, this time in California.

When that doctor finds out that the husband is from North Carolina, he tells him the exact same thing that the doctor in Ohio told him. The husband figures that the doctors must be right.

So he goes home, puts a lit cherry bomb in a soda can, and starts to count. ''1...2...3...4...5...'' The husband takes the soda can and puts it between his legs to continue counting on his fingers on his right hand. ''6...7...8...9...''
At least our Senators have 10 fingers....

..that was a bit low.

At least he has all of his teeth

Cat Grad · Post by **Cat Grad** » Mon Nov 27, 2006 11:42 pm

T-Dog wrote:
Cat Grad wrote:A man and and a woman from North Carolina don't want any more children because they already have 11. So the husband goes to a doctor in Ohio. The doctor asks, "What state are you from?
The man says "North Carolina." The doctor tells him to go home, put a lit cherry bomb in an empty soda can, hold it in his hand, and count to 10. The husband isn't so sure of this, so he goes to another doctor, this time in California.

When that doctor finds out that the husband is from North Carolina, he tells him the exact same thing that the doctor in Ohio told him. The husband figures that the doctors must be right.

So he goes home, puts a lit cherry bomb in a soda can, and starts to count. ''1...2...3...4...5...'' The husband takes the soda can and puts it between his legs to continue counting on his fingers on his right hand. ''6...7...8...9...''
At least our Senators have 10 fingers....

..that was a bit low.

Ours have eight fingers and two thumbs.

Cat Grad · Post by **Cat Grad** » Mon Nov 27, 2006 11:51 pm

Before heading south for a football game in Boone, it may be a good idea to learn the language of our southern brothers and sisters. And we're here to help...

Hah Tu Spek Suthun:

BARD - verb. Past tense of the infinitive "to borrow."
Usage: "My brother bard my pickup truck."

JAWJUH - noun. A highly flammable state just north of Florida.
Usage: "My brother from Jawjah bard my pickup truck."

MUNTS - noun. A calendar division.
Usage: "My brother from Jawjuh bard my pickup truck, and I taint herd from him in munts."

ALL - noun. A petroleum-based lubricant.
Usage: "I sure hope my brother from Jawjuh puts all in my pickup truck."

FAR - noun. A conflagration.
Usage: "If my brother from Jawjuh doesn't change the all in my pickup truck, that things gonna catch far."

BAHS - noun. A supervisor.
Usage: "If you don't stop reading these Southern words and git back to work, your bahs is gonna far you!"

TAR - noun. A rubber wheel.
Usage: "Gee, I hope that brother of mine from Jawjuh doesn't git a flat tar in my pickup truck."

TIRE - noun. A tall monument.
Usage: "Lord willing and the creeks don't rise, I sure do hope to see that Eiffel Tire in Paris sometime."

- Verb. To stop working.
Usage: "My granpaw at age 65."

RATS - noun. Entitled power or privilege.
Usage: "We Southerners are willing to fight for out rats."

FARN - adjective. Not local.
Usage: "I cudnt unnerstand a wurd he sed ... must be from some farn country."

JU-HERE - a question.
Usage: "Juhere that former Dallas Cowboys' coach Jimmy Johnson recently toured the University of Alabama?"

HAZE - a contraction.
Usage: "Is Bubba smart?" "Nah ... haze ignert."

VIEW - contraction: verb and pronoun.
Usage: "I ain't never seed New York City ... view?"

GUMMIT - Noun. An often-closed bureaucratic institution.
Usage: "Great ... ANOTHER gummit shutdown!"

Now I spent over 25 year in Jawjuh, so maybe ya'll kin hep me out here? There's a heap more the folks headin down gotta know so they can least order a CocaCola and not embarrass themself. Know what I mean?

BobcatBulldog · Post by **BobcatBulldog** » Tue Nov 28, 2006 12:07 am

T-Dog wrote:Replace Richard Petty with Dale Earnhardt and you hit the nail on the head.

Most of those are true actually. Who the heck drinks unsweet tea?

Montana: Land Of The Big Sky, The Unabomber, Right-Wing Crazies, And Very Little Else

http://www.jibjab.com/jokebox/jokebox/j ... keid/67707

These are a few of my favorite things.

Htowngriz · Post by **Htowngriz** » Tue Nov 28, 2006 12:28 am

Cat Grad wrote:Before heading south for a football game in Boone, it may be a good idea to learn the language of our southern brothers and sisters. And we're here to help...

Hah Tu Spek Suthun:

BARD - verb. Past tense of the infinitive "to borrow."
Usage: "My brother bard my pickup truck."

JAWJUH - noun. A highly flammable state just north of Florida.
Usage: "My brother from Jawjah bard my pickup truck."

MUNTS - noun. A calendar division.
Usage: "My brother from Jawjuh bard my pickup truck, and I taint herd from him in munts."

ALL - noun. A petroleum-based lubricant.
Usage: "I sure hope my brother from Jawjuh puts all in my pickup truck."

FAR - noun. A conflagration.
Usage: "If my brother from Jawjuh doesn't change the all in my pickup truck, that things gonna catch far."

BAHS - noun. A supervisor.
Usage: "If you don't stop reading these Southern words and git back to work, your bahs is gonna far you!"

TAR - noun. A rubber wheel.
Usage: "Gee, I hope that brother of mine from Jawjuh doesn't git a flat tar in my pickup truck."

TIRE - noun. A tall monument.
Usage: "Lord willing and the creeks don't rise, I sure do hope to see that Eiffel Tire in Paris sometime."

- Verb. To stop working.
Usage: "My granpaw at age 65."

RATS - noun. Entitled power or privilege.
Usage: "We Southerners are willing to fight for out rats."

FARN - adjective. Not local.
Usage: "I cudnt unnerstand a wurd he sed ... must be from some farn country."

JU-HERE - a question.
Usage: "Juhere that former Dallas Cowboys' coach Jimmy Johnson recently toured the University of Alabama?"

HAZE - a contraction.
Usage: "Is Bubba smart?" "Nah ... haze ignert."

VIEW - contraction: verb and pronoun.
Usage: "I ain't never seed New York City ... view?"

GUMMIT - Noun. An often-closed bureaucratic institution.
Usage: "Great ... ANOTHER gummit shutdown!"

Now I spent over 25 year in Jawjuh, so maybe ya'll kin hep me out here? There's a heap more the folks headin down gotta know so they can least order a CocaCola and not embarrass themself. Know what I mean?

So easy, yet so entertaining

Hell's Bells · Post by **Hell's Bells** » Tue Nov 28, 2006 12:29 am

aaah thank you paul shanklin!

Cat Grad · Post by **Cat Grad** » Tue Nov 28, 2006 12:42 am

All joking aside, those of you going to Boone for the game and planning on spending some extra time there, make sure you do some fishing. They're blessed with some of the best fishing in the U.S. and nobody works for any of it! Even though I was raised on trout streams in and around Bozo, I'm on the side of the big, fast bass boats and get more of a thrill out of landing stripers than just about any other fish! Herein lies a great argument: trout or bass? Lures or flies?

GrizinWashington · Post by **GrizinWashington** » Tue Nov 28, 2006 1:24 am

Cat Grad wrote:A man and and a woman from North Carolina don't want any more children because they already have 11. So the husband goes to a doctor in Ohio. The doctor asks, "What state are you from?
The man says "North Carolina." The doctor tells him to go home, put a lit cherry bomb in an empty soda can, hold it in his hand, and count to 10. The husband isn't so sure of this, so he goes to another doctor, this time in California.

When that doctor finds out that the husband is from North Carolina, he tells him the exact same thing that the doctor in Ohio told him. The husband figures that the doctors must be right.

So he goes home, puts a lit cherry bomb in a soda can, and starts to count. ''1...2...3...4...5...'' The husband takes the soda can and puts it between his legs to continue counting on his fingers on his right hand. ''6...7...8...9...''

Dat right der? Dat's funny, an I don care who ya ar'!

bobcatgrad2005 · Post by **bobcatgrad2005** » Tue Nov 28, 2006 7:22 am

They have "Appalachian State: Altutude 3,333 feet" on their scoreboard.

Wow, that's high.... yawn.

apps32 · Post by **apps32** » Tue Nov 28, 2006 9:25 am

Cat Grad wrote:Before heading south for a football game in Boone, it may be a good idea to learn the language of our southern brothers and sisters. And we're here to help...

Hah Tu Spek Suthun:

...........

Now I spent over 25 year in Jawjuh, so maybe ya'll kin hep me out here? There's a heap more the folks headin down gotta know so they can least order a CocaCola and not embarrass themself. Know what I mean?

Dern tootin' about the Coke. Don't come down here and try to order a 'pop.' Order a 'pop' down here and you'll get 'popped' upside the head with a Co-cola bottle...

To paraphrase from arguably THE best film ever made - Days of Thunder -

Tim Daland: "If you're from Montana you're not a yankee, you're not really anything."
Harry Hogg: "You said it."

Cat Grad · Post by **Cat Grad** » Tue Nov 28, 2006 9:41 am

apps32 wrote:
Cat Grad wrote:Before heading south for a football game in Boone, it may be a good idea to learn the language of our southern brothers and sisters. And we're here to help...

Hah Tu Spek Suthun:

...........

Now I spent over 25 year in Jawjuh, so maybe ya'll kin hep me out here? There's a heap more the folks headin down gotta know so they can least order a CocaCola and not embarrass themself. Know what I mean?
Dern tootin' about the Coke. Don't come down here and try to order a 'pop.' Order a 'pop' down here and you'll get 'popped' upside the head with a Co-cola bottle...

To paraphrase from arguably THE best film ever made - Days of Thunder -

Tim Daland: "If you're from Montana you're not a yankee, you're not really anything."
Harry Hogg: "You said it."

But you've got to know where all of us came from

Other than about 8 million Irishmen taking on about 22 million of the aristocratic original American blue blood, what was the main problem Gen Johnston had to contend with before Jeff relieved him of command and sent Hood on the attack? I'll give you a hint: Every major gold field out here was discovered between 1861 and 1865 and we all know what all good rebels should have been doing instead of deserting

Approximately 83 percent of the original white Montana inhabitants were from the South

North Carolina birth control.

North Carolina birth control.

Re: North Carolina birth control.

Re: North Carolina birth control.

Re: North Carolina birth control.

Re: North Carolina birth control.