joke for you

[briannell]

well, may be my humor isn't as funny as I think it is, but this joke made me laugh.


Why females should avoid a girls night out after they are married:



The other night I was invited out for a night with "the Girls." I told my husband that I would be home by midnight, "I promise!"

Well, the hours passed and the margaritas went down way too easy. Around 3 a.m., a bit loaded, I headed for home.

Just as I got in the door, the cuckoo clock in the hall started up and cuckooed 3 times. Quickly, realizing my husband would probably wake up, I cuckooed 9 times.

I was really proud of myself for coming up with such a quick-witted solution (even when totally smashed), in order to escape a possible conflict with him.

The next morning my husband asked me what time I got in, and I told him "Midnight". He didn't seem pissed off at all. Whew! Got away with that one!

Then he said, "We need a new cuckoo clock." When I asked him why, he said, "Well, last night our clock cuckooed three times, then said, "Oh ****** .", cuckooed 4 more times, cleared it's throat, cuckooed another 3 times, giggled, cuckooed twice more, and then tripped over the coffee table and farted."

[grizzh8r]

[HelenaCat95]

[iaafan]

"According to the latest poll, only 2% of blacks think Bush is doing a good job.
The number would have been higher, but Condi Rice has a very small family."
--Conan O'Brien,

[RyeCat]

[Platinumcat]

Here's a little somethin':


How To Shower Like a Woman:
>>>> Take off clothing and place it in
>>>>
>>>> sectioned laundry hamper according to
>>>> lights and darks. Walk
>>>> to bathroom wearing long dressing gown. If
>>>> you see husband along the way, cover up any
>>>> exposed areas. Look
>>>> at your womanly physique in the mirror - make mental note
>>>>to do
>>>> more sit-ups/leg-lifts, etc.
>>>>
>>>>
>>>> Get in the shower.
>>>>
>>>> Use face cloth, arm cloth,
>>>> leg cloth, long loofah, wide
>>>> loofah and pumice stone.
>>>> Wash
>>>> your hair once with cucumber and sage shampoo with 43
>>>>added
>>>> vitamins. Wash
>>>> your hair again to make sure it's clean.
>>>> Condition your hair with grapefruit
>>>>
>>>> mint conditioner enhanced with real passionfruit.
>>>> Wash
>>>> your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes
>>>> until red. Wash
>>>> entire rest of body with ginger nut and jaffa cake body
>>>>wash.
>>>> Rinse
>>>> conditioner off hair. Shave
>>>> armpits and legs.
>>>> Turn off shower. Squeegee
>>>>
>>>> off all wet surfaces in shower. Spray
>>>> mold spots with Tilex.
>>>> Get out of shower and stand on bathmat.
>>>>
>>>> Dry
>>>> with towel the size of a small country. Wrap
>>>> hair in super absorbent towel.
>>>> Return to bedroom wearing long dressing
>>>>
>>>> gown and towel on head.
>>>> If you see husband along the way,
>>>>
>>>> cover up any exposed areas.
>>>>
>>>>
>>>> How To Shower Like a Man:
>>>>
>>>> Take off clothes while sitting on
>>>>
>>>> the edge of the bed and leave them in
>>>> a pile. Be sure to leave
>>>> skidmark on bedspread.
>>>> Walk naked to the bathroom. If
>>>>
>>>> you see wife along the way, shake wiener at her making the
>>>> 'woo-woo'
>>>> sound.
>>>> Look at your manly physique in the
>>>>
>>>> mirror. Admire
>>>> the size of your wiener and scratch your ***.
>>>> Get in the shower.
>>>>
>>>> Wash your face.
>>>> Wash your armpits. Blow
>>>> your nose in your hands and let the water rinse them off.
>>>>Fart
>>>> and laugh at how loud it sounds in the shower.
>>>> Spend majority of time washing privates
>>>>
>>>> and surrounding area. Wash
>>>> your butt, leaving those coarse butt hairs stuck on the
>>>>soap.
>>>> Wash
>>>> your hair. Make
>>>> a Shampoo Mohawk. Pee.
>>>> Rinse off and get out of shower. Avoid
>>>>
>>>> bathmat. Dry
>>>> off forearms and butt only. Fail
>>>> to notice water on floor because curtain was hanging out
>>>>of tub
>>>> the
>>>> whole time.
>>>> Admire wiener size in mirror again.
>>>>
>>>> Shake it to watch water
>>>> fly off. Leave
>>>> shower curtain open, wet mat on floor, light and fan on.
>>>> Return
>>>> to bedroom with towel around waist.
>>>> If you pass wife, pull off towel,
>>>>
>>>> shake wiener at her and make the 'woo-woo'
>>>> sound again.
>>>> Throw wet towel on bed.

[grizzh8r]

Here's a little somethin':


How To Shower Like a Woman:
>>>> Take off clothing and place it in
>>>>
>>>> sectioned laundry hamper according to
>>>> lights and darks. Walk
>>>> to bathroom wearing long dressing gown. If
>>>> you see husband along the way, cover up any
>>>> exposed areas. Look
>>>> at your womanly physique in the mirror - make mental note
>>>>to do
>>>> more sit-ups/leg-lifts, etc.
>>>>
>>>>
>>>> Get in the shower.
>>>>
>>>> Use face cloth, arm cloth,
>>>> leg cloth, long loofah, wide
>>>> loofah and pumice stone.
>>>> Wash
>>>> your hair once with cucumber and sage shampoo with 43
>>>>added
>>>> vitamins. Wash
>>>> your hair again to make sure it's clean.
>>>> Condition your hair with grapefruit
>>>>
>>>> mint conditioner enhanced with real passionfruit.
>>>> Wash
>>>> your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes
>>>> until red. Wash
>>>> entire rest of body with ginger nut and jaffa cake body
>>>>wash.
>>>> Rinse
>>>> conditioner off hair. Shave
>>>> armpits and legs.
>>>> Turn off shower. Squeegee
>>>>
>>>> off all wet surfaces in shower. Spray
>>>> mold spots with Tilex.
>>>> Get out of shower and stand on bathmat.
>>>>
>>>> Dry
>>>> with towel the size of a small country. Wrap
>>>> hair in super absorbent towel.
>>>> Return to bedroom wearing long dressing
>>>>
>>>> gown and towel on head.
>>>> If you see husband along the way,
>>>>
>>>> cover up any exposed areas.
>>>>
>>>>
>>>> How To Shower Like a Man:
>>>>
>>>> Take off clothes while sitting on
>>>>
>>>> the edge of the bed and leave them in
>>>> a pile. Be sure to leave
>>>> skidmark on bedspread.
>>>> Walk naked to the bathroom. If
>>>>
>>>> you see wife along the way, shake wiener at her making the
>>>> 'woo-woo'
>>>> sound.
>>>> Look at your manly physique in the
>>>>
>>>> mirror. Admire
>>>> the size of your wiener and scratch your ***.
>>>> Get in the shower.
>>>>
>>>> Wash your face.
>>>> Wash your armpits. Blow
>>>> your nose in your hands and let the water rinse them off.
>>>>Fart
>>>> and laugh at how loud it sounds in the shower.
>>>> Spend majority of time washing privates
>>>>
>>>> and surrounding area. Wash
>>>> your butt, leaving those coarse butt hairs stuck on the
>>>>soap.
>>>> Wash
>>>> your hair. Make
>>>> a Shampoo Mohawk. Pee.
>>>> Rinse off and get out of shower. Avoid
>>>>
>>>> bathmat. Dry
>>>> off forearms and butt only. Fail
>>>> to notice water on floor because curtain was hanging out
>>>>of tub
>>>> the
>>>> whole time.
>>>> Admire wiener size in mirror again.
>>>>
>>>> Shake it to watch water
>>>> fly off. Leave
>>>> shower curtain open, wet mat on floor, light and fan on.
>>>> Return
>>>> to bedroom with towel around waist.
>>>> If you pass wife, pull off towel,
>>>>
>>>> shake wiener at her and make the 'woo-woo'
>>>> sound again.
>>>> Throw wet towel on bed.

Even funnier than rebeccas post!!

[briannell]

barechestcat - and to think some say romance is dead

nice post

[Platinumcat]

Hey, My "woo woo" sounds are really romantic. Just ask my wife

[briannell]

Hey, My "woo woo" sounds are really romantic. Just ask my wife

I'll choose to believe you on this one here

personally, I think "giddy up" is just as effective

[iaafan]

TOP 13 NICEST THINGS YOU CAN SAY ABOUT PREZNIT DUBYA!
This one needs no setup...


13. He spends most of his time on vacation.

12. He's not here right now.

11. He has a healthy appetite for such a picky eater.

10. His bowels are fully functional.

9. He doesn't let the fact that his father kept him out of Vietnam by helping him cut in line for the Texas Air National Guard prevent him from calling genuine war heroes like John Kerry, Max Cleland and John McCain unpatriotic America-haters.

8. There is no documentary evidence to prove that he has engaged in cannibalism.

7. He's a carbon-based life form.

6. He has yet to bring about the Apocalypse.

5. Unlike Dick Cheney, he's too stupid to understand how evil he is.

4. His grandmother still has a real nice head of hair.

3. He's doing as good a job as could be expected, given his limitations.

2. After a boisterous period of "youthful indiscretion," he quit snorting cocaine, cheating on his wife and driving drunk in his mid-to-late 30's.

1. He only got a half-million votes less than Al Gore in 2000.

[gtapp]

TOP 13 NICEST THINGS YOU CAN SAY ABOUT PREZNIT DUBYA!
This one needs no setup...


13. He spends most of his time on vacation.

12. He's not here right now.

11. He has a healthy appetite for such a picky eater.

10. His bowels are fully functional.

9. He doesn't let the fact that his father kept him out of Vietnam by helping him cut in line for the Texas Air National Guard prevent him from calling genuine war heroes like John Kerry, Max Cleland and John McCain unpatriotic America-haters.

8. There is no documentary evidence to prove that he has engaged in cannibalism.

7. He's a carbon-based life form.

6. He has yet to bring about the Apocalypse.

5. Unlike Dick Cheney, he's too stupid to understand how evil he is.

4. His grandmother still has a real nice head of hair.

3. He's doing as good a job as could be expected, given his limitations.

2. After a boisterous period of "youthful indiscretion," he quit snorting cocaine, cheating on his wife and driving drunk in his mid-to-late 30's.

1. He only got a half-million votes less than Al Gore in 2000.

And the NUMBER ONE nicest thing you can say about him: (drum roll please):


HE IS NOT A DEMOCRAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Bleedinbluengold]

He's not Clinton (either one)

[catamaran]

Sometimes I wish I was dumb enough to graduate from Yale and Harvard (with a higher GPA than an opponent)