http://flint.craigslist.org/cto/2938747068.html
Alright, so here's the deal: You need to get from point A to point B, and you and I both know that you aren't running there.
You live a fast-paced life; you've got commitments coming out of places you didn't even know they came out of. I get that. You spend half your life driving, I get that too. You wake up. You drive to Tim Horton's. You drive to work. Eight grey matter-crushing hours later and you might even think you're done.
Think again. Rush hour's coming straight at you like a battering ram on steroids, and your '94 Toyota Corolla ain't stoppin' it. Better hope the window still rolls down, 'cause it's 30 degrees out and you're spending the next hour and a half with a broken air conditioner and the Elton John cassette that's been jammed in the console since 2002.
Assuming you make it home without the clutch blowing up like a grenade in a toaster, you're probably ready for a relaxing night. Ha! Monday isn't done with you yet, and you can bet your boots your kids aren't driving themselves to hockey. Look on the bright side; the smell of dirty sports equipment might overpower the hellish scent of the present Fido left on the back seat -- if you're lucky.
There's no escaping the fact; you need a new vehicle. Now, you're not Donald Trump, and that Lexus you want is so far out of the question that the Hubble telescope had better get some glasses if it wants a glimpse.
You need a reliable car that fits your budget -- I've got that and more. So much more.
See that van up there? That's your van, you just don't know it yet. That van seats seven, and I'm not talking seven midgets. It's got so much leg room that the Chicago Bulls once asked me to drive them to practice, and so much headroom that you can't see the roof.
Oh, where did the seats go? Not only do they all recline, they fold FLAT INTO THE FLOOR. Transport TVs. Transport chairs. Transport antique outhouses if you want. You've got the room, you've got the van.
Now it's got Stow, but where's the Go? How about under the hood? How about 170 UNBRIDLED HORSES channelled straight to the brand new front tires? How about a fuel-efficient V6? I know what you're thinking.
You're thinking "Hell yeah!"
You're thinking that you need this van.
So you can get where you're going, and you can get there on time. Did I mention that you can get there while having your face caressed by soothingly cold AIR CONDITIONING? While you listen to the awesome music from your CD PLAYER, as CRUISE CONTROL gives your feet a well-deserved rest? Dual-zone climate control? Automatic transmission? Power outlets? Roof racks? Yeah, this van has it all. It even has a trailer hitch. Tow a mother-flipping boat if you want. Tow your mother-in-law. Tow another van. Vanception.
Yeah, I just blew your mind.
You're no sucker; you want the facts. Dependability? It's never broken down. Maintenance? Always done, always on time. Want a solid engine, exhaust and transmission that could take you to the moon and back? I'm your van. This van has been wined, dined and wheel-aligned.
This van is 45% polymer composite, and 100% reliable. It's more than a van; it's a force of good. If Nickelback were to sit in this van they would instantly turn into Aerosmith and proceed to rock -- your -- world. Its power level is over 9000. Norse warriors wrote epic sagas about this van before it existed. This van can smell fear, smells faintly of cinnamon and it's so hip it's heard of bands that don't even exist.
$3000 is a small price to pay for eternal glory.
And it's negotiable.
