CHUCK NORRIS FACTS!!!

SACCAT · Post by **SACCAT** » Wed Nov 30, 2005 6:06 pm

Did you know Chuck Norris does not read books....He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

He is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.

CelticCat · Post by **CelticCat** » Wed Nov 30, 2005 6:09 pm

Haha, that cracked me up, thanks.

SACCAT · Post by **SACCAT** » Wed Nov 30, 2005 6:12 pm

Chuck norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.

SACCAT · Post by **SACCAT** » Thu Dec 08, 2005 5:33 pm

Behind Chuck Norris'beard there is no chin, just another fist.

coachouert · Post by **coachouert** » Thu Dec 08, 2005 5:38 pm

Chuck Norris can make a woman climax by simply pointing at her and
saying "booya".

If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds
till." After you ask, "Two seconds till what?" he roundhouse kicks you
in the face.

When Chuck Norris's wife burned the turkey one Thanksgiving, Chuck said,
"Don't worry about it honey," and went into his backyard. He came back
five minutes later with a live turkey, ate it whole, and when he threw
it up a few seconds later it was fully cooked and came with cranberry
sauce. When his wife asked him how he had done it, he gave her a
roundhouse kick to the face and said, "Never question Chuck Norris."

longhorn_22 · Post by **longhorn_22** » Thu Dec 08, 2005 7:12 pm

There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live.

Chuck Norris once walked down the street with a massive erection. There were no survivors.

When Chuck Norris was born, the nurse said, "Holy crap! That's Chuck Norris!" Then she had had sex with him. At that point, she was the third girl he had slept with.

It takes Chuck Norris 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.

To prove it isn't that big of a deal to beat cancer. Chuck Norris smoked 15 cartons of cigarettes a day for 2 years and aquired 7 different kinds of cancer only to rid them from his body by flexing for 30 minutes. Beat that, Lance Armstrong.

Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

Grizomatic · Post by **Grizomatic** » Thu Dec 08, 2005 11:05 pm

Bruce Lee kicked "The Chuck's" ass.

Bleedinbluengold · Post by **Bleedinbluengold** » Fri Dec 09, 2005 9:36 am

OMG ROFLMAO

Chuck Norris has not been impacted by rising gasoline prices. He drinks water and pees into his 4X4's gas tank.

Santa does not actually decide who is good and who is bad. Chuck Norris tells Santa. Once, when Santa asked, "How do you decide who is good and who is bad, Chuck Norris gave Santa a roundhouse kick to the face, and said, "Never question Chuck Norris."

SACCAT · Post by **SACCAT** » Fri Dec 09, 2005 9:59 am

While filming on location for Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris brought a stillborn baby lamb back to life by giving it a prolonged beard rub. Sortly after the farm animal sprang to life and a crowd had gathered, Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked the animal, breaking it's neck, to remind the crew once more that the good Chuck giveth, and the good Chuck, he taketh away.

suckitgriz · Post by **suckitgriz** » Fri Dec 09, 2005 10:26 am

Wow, I didn't realize other people loved Chuck like I love Chuck. Great posts. Here are a few of my favorite-

A blind man once stepped on Chuck Norris' shoe. Chuck replied, "Don't you know who I am? I'm Chuck Norris!" The mere mention of his name cured this man blindness. Sadly the first, last, and only thing this man ever saw, was a fatal roundhouse delivered by Chuck Norris.

If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.

But my favorite: Chuck Norris's girlfriend once asked him how much wood a woodchuck could chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood. He then shouted, "HOW DARE YOU RHYME IN THE PRESENCE OF CHUCK NORRIS!" and ripped out her throat. Holding his girlfriend's bloody throat in his hand he bellowed, "Don't ****** with Chuck!" Two years and five months later he realized the irony of this statement and laughed so hard that anyone within a hundred mile radius of the blast went deaf.

HelenaCat95 · Post by **HelenaCat95** » Fri Dec 09, 2005 11:35 am

Holy Crap....this is the funniest stuff I have read.
Where do you find this/come up with this stuff??

Post by **SonomaCat** » Fri Dec 09, 2005 11:43 am

I haven't heard any of these before, either. Great stuff! What's the source?

coachouert · Post by **coachouert** » Fri Dec 09, 2005 11:59 am

Since 1940, the year Chuck Norris was born, roundhouse kick related
deaths have increased 13,000 percent.

Those aren't credits that roll after Walker Texas Ranger; it is actually
a list of people that Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked in the face that
day.

I got an email from a buddy of mine with these in them. I think they are hilarious!

Bleedinbluengold · Post by **Bleedinbluengold** » Fri Dec 09, 2005 12:08 pm

I hate to even ask for fear of getting roundhouse kicked, but who would win? Mini Ditka or Mini Chuck?

SACCAT · Post by **SACCAT** » Fri Dec 09, 2005 12:11 pm

mini chucks beard would win.

grizzh8r · Post by **grizzh8r** » Fri Dec 09, 2005 7:31 pm

Bay Area Cat wrote:I haven't heard any of these before, either. Great stuff! What's the source?

Yeah. Do-tell! Bueller? Bueller?

CelticCat · Post by **CelticCat** » Tue Dec 13, 2005 4:17 pm

More! More!

wbtfg · Post by **wbtfg** » Tue Dec 13, 2005 4:34 pm

Chuck Norris took my virginity, and he will sure as hell take yours. If you're thinking to yourself, "That's impossible, I already lost my virginity.", then you are dead wrong.

One of the greatest cover-ups of the last century was the fact that Hitler did not commit suicide in his bunker, but was in fact tea-bagged to death by Chuck Norris.

Bleedinbluengold · Post by **Bleedinbluengold** » Tue Dec 13, 2005 4:55 pm

Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot
broke the speed of light, causing him to go back in time, at which point he killed Jimmy Hoffa.

Chuck Norris only masturbates to pictures of Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris appeared in the "Street Fighter II" video game, but was
removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a
roundhouse kick. When asked bout this "glitch," Norris replied, "That's no glitch."

Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and
unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was
finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul
back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted
he should have seen it coming.

catamaran · Post by **catamaran** » Tue Dec 13, 2005 5:04 pm

Once an episode of "Walker, Texas Ranger" aired in France and the government surrendered to Chuck Norris just to be safe

CHUCK NORRIS FACTS!!!

CHUCK NORRIS FACTS!!!

Re: CHUCK NORRIS FACTS!!!