The Bobcat Nation

http://www.annoyances.org/exec/show/article09-210

How many Microsoft programmers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

None. They've declared "darkness" a standard.


All items in the Humor category were sent to us by friends and visitors like yourself, and are considered public domain. If you believe there to be any copyright infringements, please let us know.

The Night Before Startup


'Twas the night before startup
and all through the house
not a program was working,
there clicked not a mouse

The users were nestled all snug in their beds
with visions of systems alive in their heads.
The programmers slumped round their screens in despair
and felt that a miracle now would be fair.

Then from the back office there rose such a chatter
I sprang from my desk to see what was the matter
and there to my marveling eyes did appear
a wonder programmer ­ with a six pack of beer.

His resume glowed with experience so rare
he turned out great code with that bit-pusher's flair.
He spoke not a word but went straight to his work,
turning specs into code like a sitcom berserk.

A wink of his eye and a nod of his head
soon gave me to know I had nothing to dread.
More smoothly than salesmen his programs they come;
he whistled and shouted and called them by name.

On update, on add, on inquire and delete,
on batch jobs, on closing on functions complete.
His eyes all glazed over, hands nimble and lean,
from long days and nights spent in front of a screen.

He tapped and he hammered, he nothing did shirk,
turning specs into code; then he turned with a smirk,
and laying his finger upon Enter key,
the system came up and worked perfectly.

The updates updated, the deletes all deleted,
the inquiries inquired and the closing completed.
He tested each whistle, he tested each bell,
and with nary an append it all had gone well.

The system was finished, the tests were concluded,
the client’s last changes were even included.
Then the user explained in apocalypt font,
"It’s just what I asked for, but not what I want."

US Army Rejects Windows XP

Microsoft refused to comment today on the U.S. Army's return of the customized version of Windows XP that was purchased by the military to be loaded onto the Army's new S.C.P.B.C.D. units. These units are the Army's answer to continual requests from battlefield commanders for a Self Contained Personal Battlefield Computing Device. These devices are to allow battle field Commanders to keep in touch with their troops at all times, and so the troops can relay field intelligence back to command for continuous theatre of operation awareness.
It seems that when the Army test-loaded the customized operating system into their S.C.P.B.C.D.'s, it refused to allow the operators to install device drivers for the cellular modem unless the driver was digitally signed by Microsoft. This, among other installation problems were eventually corrected and the real testing began.

The military has never been one to accept off-the-shelf consumer products for use by their troops, so in an attempt to overcome this, some changes were made to the XP operating system, as shown below.



Some users said they enjoyed the updated interface in comparison to the standard monochromatic interface previously used on the prototype S.C.P.B.C.D.'s. Others claimed the new interface made them "queasy". Due to size limitations, the new units are only available with a 4-inch wide by 3-inch tall LCD screen, which is not optimal for displaying the graphic heavy Windows interface, and as such makes effectively communicating intelligence reports quite difficult indeed. The soldiers who were randomly selected for the tests also complained about the fact that the units lack a private and secure messaging system to communicate with since the default messaging system routes their intelligence reports through MSN. As of the end of the testing there was not a fix for this, yet Microsoft had promised "Soon, really, we mean it.".

Apparently the fixes did not come soon enough as the Army cancelled the tests and returned all of the licensed copies to Microsoft stating that "At this time, we feel the software has yet to catch up with the hardware, and we are moving back to our Unix based systems."

An odd twist in this story is that Microsoft is reportedly considering legal action against the U.S. Army on the count of software piracy. Sources which wished to remain annonymous stated that the software giant claims that the Army is still using the customized operating system in it's continued tests. The Army representative we spoke with claims they are not pirating software, it's just that they can't get the software to uninstall properly.
http://www.annoyances.org/exec/show/article09-203

Hell's Bells wrote:http://www.annoyances.org/exec/show/article09-210

How many Microsoft programmers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

None. They've declared "darkness" a standard.


All items in the Humor category were sent to us by friends and visitors like yourself, and are considered public domain. If you believe there to be any copyright infringements, please let us know.

It's not a "bug"...it's a "feature."

'93HonoluluCat wrote:

Hell's Bells wrote:http://www.annoyances.org/exec/show/article09-210

How many Microsoft programmers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

None. They've declared "darkness" a standard.


All items in the Humor category were sent to us by friends and visitors like yourself, and are considered public domain. If you believe there to be any copyright infringements, please let us know.

It's not a "bug"...it's a "feature."

one good feature of windows...i can easily go into regedit, search for "recycle bin" and replace it with "trash can"