CHUCK NORRIS FACTS!!!

SACCAT · Post by **SACCAT** » Tue Dec 13, 2005 5:19 pm

Chuck Norris Once ate 3 72oz. steaks in an Hour. He spent the first 45 min. having sex with the waitress.

catamaran · Post by **catamaran** » Tue Dec 13, 2005 5:24 pm

Chuck Norris owns the greatest Poker Face of all-time. It helped him win the 1983 World Series of Poker despite him holding just a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoloy card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game UNO

coachouert · Post by **coachouert** » Wed Dec 14, 2005 9:04 am

Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage.
We know this beverage as Red Bull.

Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Chuck Norris

Filming on location for Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris brought a
stillborn baby lamb back to life by giving it a prolonged beard rub.
Shortly after the farm animal sprang back to life and a crowd had gathered, Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked the animal, breaking its neck, to remind the crew once more that Chuck giveth, and the good Chuck, he taketh away.

And one for the season:

Chuck Norris was the fourth Wiseman. He brought baby Jesus the gift of
"beard". Jesus wore it proudly to his dying day. The other Wisemen, jealous of Jesus' obvious gift favoritism, used their combined influence to have Chuck omitted from the Bible. Shortly after all three died of roundhouse kick related deaths.

wbtfg · Post by **wbtfg** » Wed Dec 14, 2005 10:00 am

Mr. T. and Chuck Norris decided to spar; they traveled to the only safe place in the Universe, the beginning of time. They bowed to each other and Chuck launched in with a roundhouse kick. Mr. T blocked it, and the resulting pressure wave is commonly called the Big Bang.

Mr. T once captured Bigfoot, but released him after he shaved the beast and realized that it was just Chuck Norris walking around naked in the woods.

Mr. T is not black. It's just that the sun is too afraid to shine on him.

23. That's the number of people Mr. T has pitied in the time it has taken you to read this sentence.

catamaran · Post by **catamaran** » Wed Dec 14, 2005 11:54 am

50 cent was formaly known as 1 Dollar until Mr T pitied that fool

catamaran · Post by **catamaran** » Wed Dec 14, 2005 1:57 pm

Mr. T hates playing 'Rock Paper Scissors' because he doesn't believe anything could beat rock. He always chooses rock, and when someone throws paper, he says,"I win." If someone is foolish enough to dispute this, he takes his clenched fist and punches them in the face, then says, "I thought your paper would protect you."

CelticCat · Post by **CelticCat** » Wed Dec 14, 2005 5:26 pm

When Chuck Norris plays Oregon Trail his family does not die from cholera
or dysentery, but rather roundhouse kicks to the face. He also requires no
wagon, since he carries the oxen, axels, and buffalo meat on his back. He
always makes it to Oregon before you.

haha

Bleedinbluengold · Post by **Bleedinbluengold** » Fri Dec 16, 2005 6:33 pm

Never, EVER, play "Peek-a-Boo" with Chuck Norris.

catsrback76 · Post by **catsrback76** » Sun Dec 18, 2005 10:24 pm

Chuck Norris doesn’t use a razor to shave in the morning, he roundhouse kicks himself in the face… because the only thing hard enough to cut Chuck Norris, is Chuck Norris.

catsrback76 · Post by **catsrback76** » Sun Dec 18, 2005 10:30 pm

Chuck Norris can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night!

catsrback76 · Post by **catsrback76** » Sun Dec 18, 2005 10:30 pm

Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.

catsrback76 · Post by **catsrback76** » Sun Dec 18, 2005 10:31 pm

Chuck Norris played Russian Roulete with a fully loaded gun and won.

catsrback76 · Post by **catsrback76** » Sun Dec 18, 2005 10:32 pm

Chuck Norris invented black. In fact, he invented the entire spectrum of visible light. Except pink. Tom Cruise invented pink.

When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down.

catsrback76 · Post by **catsrback76** » Sun Dec 18, 2005 10:34 pm

The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.

Superman owns a pair of Chuck Norris pajamas.

bozbobcat · Post by **bozbobcat** » Sun Dec 18, 2005 11:47 pm

Crop circles are just Chuck Norris' way of telling corn to lie the **** down.

CelticCat · Post by **CelticCat** » Mon Dec 19, 2005 1:51 am

Helen Keller's favorite color is Chuck Norris.

catsrback76 · Post by **catsrback76** » Mon Dec 19, 2005 10:09 pm

Chuck Norris frequently donates blood to the Red Cross. Just not his own.

Guns don’t kill people, Chuck Norris kills people.

mquast53000 · Post by **mquast53000** » Tue Dec 20, 2005 9:55 am

catamaran wrote:Once an episode of "Walker, Texas Ranger" aired in France and the government surrendered to Chuck Norris just to be safe

I think this is my favorite one.

catamaran · Post by **catamaran** » Tue Dec 20, 2005 10:04 am

As a teen Chuck Norris impregnated every nun in a convent tucked away in the hills of Tuscany. Nine months later the nuns gave birth to the 1972 Miami Dolphins, the only undefeated and untied team in professional football history

Hello Kitty · Post by **Hello Kitty** » Tue Dec 20, 2005 11:09 pm

When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes ever.