sorry, felt the need to share. this was powerful to me, may be others can share their moments.
okay, now we all get them that "ah ha!" moment from time to time when we get really introspective on our lives and the paths we have taken over the years. now I was listening to my preacher today and mine hit me like a sledge hammer.
I know that the last 3 years I've wonder why am I living this way? why is this happening to my beloved daughter? why do all these kids get cancer and nothing can be done to stop it? well, we had test results posted by my daughters pediatrician and he said he "saw nothing", that it must be some act of a higher power because her marrow looks perfect.
this is a child that last Feb. was given less than 20%, and we were told to make funeral arrangements as the staff at Children's and Fred Hutchinson's deemed her terminal in nature. Now while Anessa was at Children's I continued to pray, have my preacher come pray over her, work with my church and have my church hold prayer vigils.
She left Children's and just passed 85% on her bone marrow this last week. When I talk with non believer's and they tell me how hard their life is, how God doesn't love them, how with all this war and horrible things happening in the world there is no God. How if god loved us 9/11 wouldn't have happened or New Orleans would still be standing. They say to you give me proof Christian girl, you show me that there is a God, that we are loved that he is in our lives and interjects on our behalf. I can just smile at my little Anessa and with tears in my eyes bend down, hug her and say "this is my proof." That by no merit of my own, that with all my sins and screw ups in life, that God not only forgave me through his own son Jesus Christ he blessed me beyond measure with my daughters life. That with all those doctors with their fancy educations fussing over her, doctors getting huge paychecks, years of research breakthroughs and funds raised for research the ONLY reason for her life today. The ONLY reason she left that hospital in anything other than a bodybag on her way to a funeral home back in Montana was by God's GRACE alone. We go back next week to do her last in series of testing on her bone marrow and they're pretty certain we really don't even need it, but they'll do it anyway.
I guess it was just nice to finally realize that the reason Anessa and our family went through this is so that God can show himself to those in this world that don't believe he exists and loves us. What better proof can we show those other families and doctors in Seattle that there is something even more powerful than man and his medicine than by walking Anessa down the halls with a clear marrow test under my arm.
